Island of Misfit Characters

Despite my best efforts I was somehow never banned from City of Heroes.

I’ve spent an awful damn lot of time playing MMOs. At least, according to Steam, which is weird, because I can count the number of MMOs I’ve become seriously involved with on one finger, and that one wasn’t on Steam. A quick glance at my screenshot folders makes it apparent what’s actually happening here: I don’t play MMOs.

I play character editors.

Here then are some of the fruits of a life wasted basically playing with dolls:

Hold me closer, Tiny Riker.
Witchers are trained from a young age to hunt monsters and leave the heads on your comforter.
Heavyweight Lincoln eating a cheeseburger is the hero we need right now.
No one was fooled.
I played TERA for exactly as long it took to do this and then quit after telling myself I’d won.
Jersey Shore hobbit I left as a parting gift on one of SoE’s press accounts.
The greatest swordsman to ever be sauteed in butter.
The man in black fled across the deserted MMO, and Dora the Explorer followed.
My Wildstar fursona was all like fuck you you’re not my real dad and then he joined the Gorillaz.
He left his dark elf heritage behind to become the best goddamn pastry chef in Neverwinter.

The Future is Stupid

captainipad

How many fucking iPads do you need, Jean Luc?

Then I realize my own desk is half buried with Kindles and shit. So many Star Trek things have this weird disconnect between technological prescience and how people actually use technology. Case in point: Our future back then featured handheld, flatscreen, touch sensitive computers, but for some reason they still passed them around and piled them up like clipboards or papers in an inbox. Captain Picard can’t be bothered to open a new tab. Haha, silly old Star Trek.  It seemed really fucking stupid until decades later and half the surfaces in my house are covered with the damn things because yeah, that’s apparently just what happens.

Meanwhile, we’ve still got combination communicator/tricorders that fit in a pocket without seriously messing up the lines of a suit. Hey, did you know you can mod your cell phone camera to act as a rudimentary Geiger counter? It’s almost completely useless unless you’re antiquing for uranium glass.

FIRST

As of now it’s been about twenty years since I slapped my first ugly website across the face of the internet, and a decade since I let it lapse in pursuit of the combination of hubris and blind retard luck one might facetiously call my career. I was blogging back before someone coined a dumb neologism for it, so I guess I should feel some sort of obligation. This Sorta Sketchy thing has been waiting empty for a few months now, so it’s probably about time I got around to filthying it up. It’s stupid to be intimidated by the potential of a blank page when the rest of the book is going to end up covered in rude opinions and shitty cartoons. I’ll get right on that.

Solidsharkey has long since been sniped out from under me, but I honestly hated the old url so much I’m almost grateful. It’s probably better off as an online casino or whateverthefuck it is these days. At least this one’s an appropriate anagram of my name. I also regged sortasketchy.solutions, but that anagrams out to “Scott Sharkey Lotions Us,” which isn’t quite what I had in mind.

I’ll hang on to it in case I start my own line of medicated unguents.